


hope you never find out who i really am, 'cause you'll never love me

by lilaclavenders



Series: 'cause i love you, just how you are [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Genderbend, Implied Sexual Content, Rule 63, Some angst, cisflip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-02 02:49:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15787428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilaclavenders/pseuds/lilaclavenders
Summary: Because if the most beautiful woman in the world can stand to look at plain, old Yuri Katsuki, even if her eyes are puffy from crying the night before, then maybe she could allow herself to believe it.(Yuri's constant battle with her mind and heart.)





	hope you never find out who i really am, 'cause you'll never love me

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from: garden (say it like dat) - sza
> 
> i could improve this, but i've become too lazy

Yuri has never been a morning person, preferring to stay cooped up within the confines of her covers and the bright light of her phone. She knows her way around the world in the dark, like the way she can get by in the day without her glasses - either way, she feels comforted by the fact she cannot see her reflection in the mirror in both situations.

But, sometimes, she knows that, maybe, there might be a possibility that she's a little bit beautiful. Because if the most beautiful woman in the world can stand to look at plain, old Yuri Katsuki, even if her eyes are puffy from crying the night before, then maybe she could allow herself to believe it. She doesn't go out of her way to avoid mirrors, but she'll acknowledge her beauty by looking at the way Vika looks at her.

 _Look at you_ , Vika doesn't say, whenever her eyes magnetise to the way Yuri sticks her tongue out whilst brushing Makkachin's fur, before they go to bed. She's a little bit like a magpie, magnetised to shiny things and goes after them, hoarding them. Yuri forgets she worked hard for everything she's ever had, so that makes her think.

Viktoria is a woman of few words, when it comes to revealing her innermost thoughts, but the way she curls up to Yuri during their weekly movie night practically screams, _You're everything and I want to give you everything._

It's in the way Vika immediately embraces Yuri with bundles of kisses when she comes home, her loudest form of _I love you_ , without once uttering a sound.

It's a little past midnight and the moon is the only witness to Yuri Katsuki's insecurities. She peels herself from her covers, with the intention to get up and close the blinds (to let Viktoria sleep.) Instead, she's greeted by the sight of her bare, thick thighs, covered with nothing but stretch marks, and her bruised shins. She knows, she's been through this with Viktoria, that stretch marks and bruises take nothing away from her beauty - your body is what you make of it, and if you believe it's beautiful, then it _will_ be. She knows, she really does, but her mind coaxes her, giving her other options - she's always been one to prospect, to sit on the fence until she can choose the option that best suits her.

But she doesn't need to look far to find something better, roaming her caramel eyes over Viktoria's slim figure, practically glowing from the full moon. _She_ , Yuri knows, _is something beautiful_.

Suddenly, Viktoria snores. Then, she turns over, pulling the duvet over her almost naked form. (Yuri huffs, a _little_ disappointed.)

But, God, Yuri struggles to stifle a giggle. Viktoria's mouth is open, releasing deep breaths that border on snores and her skin shines with Korean and French facial serums, and her hair is pinned back, a futile attempt to try and keep her hair away from her oil-ridden face. The five-time Grand Prix champion wears a half-buttoned Chanel nightshirt, but even all the buttons she'd bothered to do are buttoned incorrectly. Yuri lightly grazes her finger across the area where Viktoria's neck and ear meet, briefly and quietly full of wonder at how her freckles look in the moonlight, without any sleeves in the way. Yuri doesn't, for a lack of a better phrase, give two shits about how Viktoria looks at midnight - as long as she loves her, with what seems to be thousands of rubles, euros and yen on her face and loosely draped around her frame.

"I love you and you love me," Yuri whispers, her voice steady and assertive. "You're beautiful and you believe I am, too."

As her time with Viktoria increases, it's getting harder for Yuri to find excuses, reasons for Viktoria to find her repulsive. She knows this because her fiancée is never _sans_ a fond gaze or a shameless grin, when she finds something new about her. _Love_ , Yuri acknowledges, _changes a person_.

 

* * *

 

 

_"I didn't know you had hay fever," Viktoria said, pleasantly surprised, as Yuri sneezed into the bouquet she had procured for their one year anniversary. She sounds content, yelling as she rummages through the kitchen cabinets, "Do you have some tablets?"_

_"Yes," Yuri replies, her voice nasally from her sudden bout of sneezes. "In the bathroom!"_

 

* * *

 

_"Wow," Viktoria gasps, transfixed at the sight of Yuri's keyboard. She eagerly grabs Yuri's hands, clasping them in her own. "You can play?"  
_

_"A little," Yuri admits, a blush making its way across her cheeks and ears._

_Vika crawls closer, her voice dropping low. "Maybe," her lips stop by Yuri's ear, "You could show me what else you can play with those fingers," She whispers._

_Yuri complies, eager to make Vika sing._

 

* * *

 

 

_Viktoria's voice croons, echoing down the corridor, "Yuri!" She runs into the bedroom, clutching her phone. Viktoria cries, "You didn't tell me you had several exes! I found out from Takeshi and Phichit, out of all people!"_

_"To be fair," Yuri replies, guiltily avoiding eye contact with her coach, "I had said no comment when you asked- And I wouldn't call them exes..."_

_Viktoria smirked, clearly not as devastated as she had first appeared, starting to kiss Yuri's neck and laughing in her ear, "So what are we? Friends?"_

 

* * *

 

 

"If you believe I'm beautiful," Yuri murmurs, tucking the sheets back around her body without disturbing her fiancée, "Then there _must_ be a reason why you think so."

Yuri is nowhere near admitting it as fact, but she's getting there, one night at a time. The moon is in love with the stars as Yuri Katsuki is enamoured with Viktoria Nikiforova, but neither of them need the other to exist, but isn't it lovely because they do? Isn't it wonderful that they've chosen each other?

Full moon or not, Yuri knows that even if she doesn't think she's beautiful, she has someone who thinks she is, who she's so in love with, that she can forget she'd ever hated herself. (In other words, would Viktoria Nikiforova be with someone who wasn't worthy?)


End file.
